Living With Disaster

Meanwhile in Prospect Park

Dear friends, 

This message won’t be helpful. I will suggest a positive, even a wonderful outcome of certain disasters. But that outcome will be experienced down the line, after we’re all gone.  Eighteen years ago in a talkback after a play of mine about Israeli Palestinian issues young me insisted that even if it doesn’t happen in our lifetime, there will be a solution, a positive solution to the conflict. One of the activists on the panel, Yigal Bronner took the mic and said: that solution does not interest me. And we all knew he was right. If you decide to keep reading, you’ll have to do it Lishmah, for its own sake, and give up on a temporary reward in feeling or thinking or experience. 

Yesterday there was a mini reunion of a big group of high school friends of mine. I video called in to say hi and see the excited old faces laughing, kissing one another, examining one another lovingly with their eyes that see the person that once inhabited the frame. Amidst the smiles there was a clear message: “Save us a spot in Brooklyn. Three bedrooms would be great.” A similar sentiment was expressed in my following phone call by a good friend who had just gotten back from Israel: “It’s finished.” They both meant that the country we grew up was done. Despite the inspiring protests – over six months of massive weekly demonstrations desperately and passionately trying to keep Israel from losing what’s left of its democratic structure – the feeling is that the disaster has already begun.  

I’m thinking about disasters this week because Tisha B’Av is this coming Thursday. That’s the day that commemorates the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and the beginning of exile, of being strangers and strange lands. From the 17th of Tamuz, just over two weeks ago, which marks the beginning of the Roman siege on Jerusalem, and culminating on Tisha B’Av, I allow myself to acknowledge the bountiful disasters we live in. I mourn and suffer them.  

Certainly the current state of affairs in Israel/Palestine is high on my list. There are countless horrors taking place there I could enumerate. But the one that broke my heart most palpably was the story of Eyad El-Hallaq. Eyad was a fellow Jerusalemite with autism who was chased down and shot dead by Israeli police on his way to his special-needs school. On the 17th of Tamuz, July 6th, the Israeli courts completely acquitted the officer who killed Eyad. His mother, who spoke days later at the demonstration to prevent the legal “overhaul,” said that "they killed her son a second time" that day. 

I don’t have to tell you that the Israel/Palestine is one tiny corner of the disaster-infested globe. Nor do I have to tell you that we carry these disasters with us and suffer from them every day. You may have noticed, for example, that it’s really hot out... 

And yet, we keep living, laughing like my friends back home, walking the narrow bridge. We can’t live in what Jacque Lacan, the French bad-boy Psycho Analyst called “The real,” this abyss where everything we’ve built to keep living is broken, shattered, dissolved. So, we escape into other realms, in Lacan’s language the Imaginary or the Symbolic, and in other terms maybe putting one step in front of the other. 

I promised you something positive. I believe I may have even used the wonderful.  

Our prime symbol this week for the disaster we live with is the destruction of the Temple. That event really did break down all of the structures we had put in place to make our national life function. But the truth is that the religion that began as soon as the Temple was destroyed is an enormous improvement to what preceded the disaster. Animal sacrifice, for example was replaced with prayer, or in some interpretations with acts of loving kindness. The attachment to land was softened and instead came an emphasis on learning anywhere. The tradition essentially embraced disaster as a central piece of our national psyche. We were wanderers in physical and spiritual realms, thanks to the disaster and the constant awareness to it. When we carry the disaster with us we can be awakened to the contradictory groundlessness of existence; contradictory because we walk the earth, one step in front of the other even as we sense the nothingness we’re stepping on. 

In the 17th century a series of disasters brought a spiritual desert into Jewish learning. “Wisdoms that aren’t wisdom,” חכמות שאינן חכמות as Rabbi Nachman might call it, took over yeshivas. They had lost touch with what was beneath the teachings and instead focused on impressive yet empty brain acrobatics known as Pilpul. It was out of this morass that the new Torah of Hassidism emerged, which continues to have a massive influence on our people. One of the central pieces of Hassidism is the value of prayer. In prayer any person of any level of knowledge or observance can walk into the garden of higher experience. The early Hassidim like Rabbi Nachman took the practice of mindless recitation of prayer as an expression of total devotion, and turned it into a living, transcendent experience in which a person can encounter the divine. Had the earlier disasters not taken place, people like you and me would probably not be gathering for Jewish prayer today. On a personal level, I think it’s fair to say that without that shift that took over the Jewish world I would not be a rabbi, and who knows what being Jewish would even mean to me, if anything. 

And yet, for the people experiencing those disasters, be it in 17th century Poland, First century Palestine, or any other time period there is, as the Book of Lamentations puts it: “no one to comfort me.” אין לי מנחם״"  We who live through disasters cannot escape suffering. We can, however, be edified by pausing our constant distraction of building up the Imaginary and the Symbolic, and turn our attention to the abyss of “the real.” We can stop our walking, not put one foot in front of the other, but sit them both down to be with what is, to know the mysterious cycles, to breathe in and out.  

I hope you can join me on Thursday at 10am at THIS Zoom link for our second class on Rabbi Nachman’s notion of The Vacated Space, which inspired much of this letter. You can catch up by reading part 1 of Torah 64 in Likutei Moharan.

Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Misha