Grief Demands Company
Dear friends,
This past Tuesday was Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. On Monday, The New Shul will join with dozens of other organizations to sponsor the Joint Israeli-Palestinian Memorial Day Ceremony, and on Tuesday we will celebrate Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israeli Independence Day. I’m excited to mark these special days with you all this evening at our Zoom Kabbalat Shabbat, as well as to share with you some reflections about my recent trip to Israel.
I had the honor of being asked by the organizers of the Joint Ceremony, the largest Israeli-Palestinian peace event in history, to put together some Jewish sources that reflect our tradition’s drive toward such an event. I’m glad to share it with you today.
Grief demands company. A mourner needs another to comfort them, as the Talmud says:
אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורים, “A prisoner cannot take himself out of a prison cell.”
The Brachot tractate of the Talmud offers a series of stories about rabbis who help their fellow rabbis out of sickness and grief. They all end with the same phrase: “’Give me your hand.’ He gave him his hand and he stood him up.” The joint Israeli-Palestinian Memorial Day Ceremony is an act of mutual support to help us all stand back up, in order to find the strength to fight for a safer and better life in the Holy Land.
The final story in this Talmudic series involves a father who lost ten of his sons. After the tenth one died, Rabbi Yochanan began going everywhere with one of the bones of his tenth son.
In this story he finds Rabbi Eliezer in bed in a dark room, crying.
א''ל אמאי קא בכית אי משום תורה דלא אפשת שנינו אחד המרבה ואחד הממעיט ובלבד שיכוין לבו לשמים ואי משום מזוני לא כל אדם זוכה לשתי שלחנות ואי משום בני דין גרמא דעשיראה ביר א''ל להאי שופרא דבלי בעפרא קא בכינא א''ל על דא ודאי קא בכית ובכו תרוייהו אדהכי והכי א''ל חביבין עליך יסורין א''ל לא הן ולא שכרן א''ל הב לי ידך יהב ליה ידיה ואוקמיה
Rabbi Yochanan said to him "Why are you crying? Is it because of the Torah that you can't study today? If so, we've learned: 'one does more and one does less, as long as their heart is oriented toward heaven'. Or is it because of your poverty? If so, know that not every person merits both wealth in Torah and material wealth. Or Is it because of your children who have died? If so, this is the bone of my tenth son."
Rabbi Eliezer said, "It’s because of this beauty that will disintegrate into dust that I'm crying."
"For this,” said Rabbi Yochanan, “surely it's worth crying." And they cried together.
Eventually Rabbi Yohanan said, "Are you enjoying your suffering?"
Rabbi Eliezer replied: "Neither the suffering nor its reward."
He said: "Give me your hand."
He gave him his hand and he stood him up.
None of us want to suffer. The joint ceremony offers us all the opportunity to grieve together, and then reject the competing narratives of suffering. But transcending the narratives of fear and division takes courage. Death can bring us together, but more often it tears us apart. The Mishna in Avot asks: “Who is brave?” The hero is not one who excels in battle, but one who is able to subdue his instinct toward revenge and hatred.
איזה הוא גיבור? הכובש את יצרו״”
Who is a hero? One who subdues his inclination.”
This is the work that the Combatants for Peace have been engaged in for many years.
Avot of Rabbi Nathan takes the question one step further.
“Who is the hero of heroes,” the rabbis ask. “The one who turns his enemy into his lover.”
"איזהו גיבור שבגיבורים – מי שעושה שונאו לאוהבו”
This is the work that the Bereaved Parents Circle has been engaged in for decades. These two organizations have invited us to take part in this brave work for the sake of our future.
The Jewish tradition teaches that in the future separation between one group and another will be erased. Most people know the Talmudic maxim: “Whoever saves one soul in Israel, it is as if they saved the entire world.” But Maimonides brought down a different, more universal phrasing. Israeli supreme court justice Mishael Cheshin chose to quote Maimonides in his 1991 decision, convicting a Jewish man of the murder of 7 Palestinians.
אדם - כל אדם - הוא עולם לעצמו. אדם - כל אדם - הוא אחד, יחיד ומיוחד. ואין אדם כאדם. מי שהיה לא עוד יהיה ומי שהלך לא ישוב. וכבר לימדנו הרמב"ם על ייחודו של האדם (ספר שופטים, הילכות סנהדרין, יב, ג): "נברא אדם יחידי בעולם, ללמד: שכל המאבד נפש אחת מן העולם - מעלין עליו כאילו איבד עולם מלא, וכל המקיים נפש אחת בעולם - מעלין עליו כאילו קיים עולם מלא". הרי כל-באי עולם בצורת אדם הראשון הם נבראים ואין פני כל-אחד מהם דומין לפני חברו. לפיכך כל-אחד ואחד יכול לומר: בשבילי נברא העולם.
“A person – any person - is a world unto its own. A person – any person – is singular, unique and special. And there is no person like another. Whoever was will not be again, and whoever has gone will not return. And Maimonides has already taught us about the uniqueness of each person (Book of Judges, Rules of Sanhedrin, 12, 3): “Adam was born alone in the world to teach us that whoever destroys one soul in the world it is as if he destroyed the entire world, and whoever saves one soul in the world it is as if they saved the entire world.” Each of those who came to this world in the form of Adam, is a created being. One’s face is always different than another. Therefore, each and every person may say: for me this world was created.”
Psalm 19 offers us the phrase ״צדקו יחדיו״ “Together, they were just.” The justice that we see separately, the psalmist suggests, is less complete than that which we can find together. This Yom Hazikaron, let us join together to grieve, stand each other up, and support one another in the fight for a viable future in the Holy Land, a future of care and justice for all.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Misha