Demanding Answers from God
Mazal tov to Oscar Samelson, who's Bar Mitzvah is tomorrow morning, and to all of the 23 other amazing TNS Bnai Mitzvah this past year.
Dear friends,
Dear friends,
I’ve learned a tremendous amount from thirteen-year-olds these five weeks. Nine Bnai Mitzvah ceremonies of Shul families took place between May 6th and June 19th, and another is coming up tomorrow morning (as well as our three Bnot Adult Bnot Mitzvah on Shavuot.) Each one of these events has been a unique, deep and energizing experience. It’s hard to describe the incredible thing that happens when a young person takes ownership of their faith world and shares what they’ve learned with their community. The musicians and I are simultaneously emotionally exhausted and uplifted by so many moving moments.
Each one of these youngsters: Adeline, Annabelle, Boaz, Dov, Levon, Conrad, Sammy, Athena, August, and Beau (and I’m sure Oscar will be as well tomorrow!) left me with deep insights. Adeline’s gorgeous Torah chanting (which it looks like you’ll all hear these High Holidays) opened up my heart to the verse “each person will return to their home, and to their family.” Annabelle offered the amazing definition: “God is where I am right now.” Boaz brought in his community by asking several loved ones to read his deep Dvar Torah, in a way that made us all feel a part of a whole. Levon found a humble way to say God is me, and having confidence in myself is having confidence in God. Dov spoke personally and meaningfully to each of the four people in his immediate family in a way that few other kids his age would do. Conrad showed us how we, as a society not only have what to learn from the way punishment is treated in the bible, but he brought us in touch with the purpose of punishment in a way that made me question all kinds of behaviors I notice myself adopting. Sammy told his parents the ways in which they have taught him what good leadership looks like. Athena and August took their family on a pilgrimage Speyer, Germany, where their ancestors came from, and which they still carry as their family name, and there, in the place where the oldest synagogue in Europe still stands despite history, they cracked open such Hebrew words as “Tikkun,” or healing.
The last one I had the honor of presiding over, on Juneteenth, was Beau’s. Since it’s a little fresher in my mind I’ll share a little more about it. The Talmud tells us: חנוך לנער על פי דרכו, “Educate each youngster according to their way.” This was an example of the tremendous rewards that come to everyone involved from a true listening to a young person’s way. Many young people struggle with the concept of God. Many struggle with the B Mitzvah and the huge amount of work it requires. Many struggle with religion, with the ancient that seems nonsensical, with the seemingly random particular requirements for this ritual. But few express it, and fewer still act on it. Beau did.
Through continuing conversations between Beau, Aviya his wonderful teacher and me, we landed on a few important changes to the ceremony. Instead of Adonai, with its patriarchal tone (often translated as Lord) we used Havaya, a gender fluid reworking of the four letters of the name of God YHVH, which made more sense to Beau, who goes by the pronoun “they.”
Instead of the V’Ahavta, Beau read a poem, which they followed with an honest explanation of why they chose to make this change. Unconditional obedience is the source of too many terrible human actions, they taught. We need a different formulation of the love at the heart of this prayer, Beau argued.
Finally, after chanting their Torah portion beautifully, Beau proceeded to criticize it with all their heart. “We need to demand answers from God,” they said. That is a wonderful way to summarize what each of these Bnai Mitzvah did. They worked through their feelings about the tradition, about God, about family. They left no stone unturned as they sought to reach a clear understanding of their perspective on their parashah and the Torah in general. They demanded an answer for why they were doing this ritual, and shared some piece of that answer with us.
I can’t wait to experience Oscar’s demands from God tomorrow morning, and to find out what answers he found during his process.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Misha