Choose Life

Dear friends,

There was a big "pro-life" rally in DC this week. With the court about to decide on Roe V Wade, this is the time for those of us who support a woman's right to choose to make our voices heard. With that in mind, and after a powerful class with several of you yesterday on Judaism and abortion, I share with you a personal reflection on the matter.

There was no blessing for this heart-wrenching act, so Erika and I created one: 

ברוכה את רחאמאמה שעוזרת לנו לבחור חיים. 

Blessed are you Mercy Mother who helps us choose life. 

The blessing is a reference to the Book of Deuteronomy’s transcendent line: “I have put before you today life and death, blessing and curse, now choose life.” 

But what is the meaning of this word, life, that Jews wear on their chests in necklaces, give gifts in the numerical equivalent of its letters, raise their glass to, pride themselves on sanctifying? What do we actually mean by “life?” 

I learned deep lessons about this from Erika during what was probably our most challenging episode to date, when we found out that one of the twins she was carrying had a genetic abnormality called Trisomy 18. 

She tells the story far better than me in the article she published about it in 2020. It describes the process that led us to undergo a selective abortion, a procedure in which one of two or more fetuses is terminated in utero. The decision was hard. It was personal. It touched upon the deepest notions of what is important in this life, what we live for, whether a reason or a purpose exists. It took me into the Jewish tradition and out its back door to the fields beyond it where a soul is a soul and a man stands alone in front of his god. It was one of those times when knowledge and ideas disappear, and answers are found in the eyes of those we love. You can read Erika's beautiful piece HERE.

The Jewish tradition did confirm some of my instincts during the process. The Talmud, reflecting on a verse from this week’s Parashah, makes clear that a person is only considered a person once they are born. You cannot, according to Jewish law, murder a fetus, no matter the stage of the pregnancy, because a fetus is not a human being: until the baby’s head emerges the fetus is not considered a soul, but part of its mother’s body. פשיטא, גופא הוא. “It’s simple,” says the Talmud, “it’s her body.” 

That doesn’t mean abortions are desirable under Jewish law. Pregnancy is sacred. It does, however mean that other considerations may enter the playing field. It means that a danger to the woman trumps any considerations for the fetus. In our case it meant that the safety of the healthy twin is a valid consideration under Jewish law. This may seem obvious to you, as it did to us, but the abortion laws like the one in Texas and other states would have prevented us from going through with the procedure. There was a strong possibility that that would have resulted in the loss of both twins, and the deeper trauma that would carry. 

It was comforting to feel supported by Jewish law, although our decision went far beyond such things, and we would have gone through with the procedure even had we found out otherwise. It felt like too personal a decision to follow any person or doctrine’s ultimate opinion. The point of it was its complexity, and we sifted through the different components of our situation until we were able to reach clarity.  

Emotionally it was more complex. It had little to do with ethics and everything to do with who we are, and what we believe the relationship is between the human and the divine. A human being is sent to the world, in certain regards, simply to find out who they are. The way to do that has to do with the choices one makes. This hard moment provided a ground like no other to live in the deepest sense of the word. 

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life— so that you will live, you and your offspring. 

הַעִדֹ֨תִי בָכֶ֣ם הַיּוֹם֮ אֶת־הַשָּׁמַ֣יִם וְאֶת־הָאָ֒רֶץ֒ הַחַיִּ֤ים וְהַמָּ֙וֶת֙ נָתַ֣תִּי לְפָנֶ֔יךָ הַבְּרָכָ֖ה וְהַקְּלָלָ֑ה וּבָֽחַרְתָּ֙ בַּחַיִּ֔ים לְמַ֥עַן תִּֽחְיֶ֖ה אַתָּ֥ה וְזַרְעֶֽךָ׃ 

Life, in a profound and real way is the act of choosing. In our tradition, even those who believe that, as Akiva said, הכל צפוי, everything is predetermined, understand the other side of the coin, which Akiva expresses in the second half of that sentence, והרשות נתונה, and we are given the choice. A life is made by the choices one makes. To be pro-life is to believe in choice, to see human beings as complex, wondrous, pained beings who are forced to decide between one heart wrenching option and another, and through the impossible decision to break forth a path into the heart of god and existence. 

Had I been robbed of that opportunity I would have been deadened. And I am only a man. 

If we have a god, this god needs us to choose. Otherwise we would not be commanded in our holy book to “choose” anything, let alone to “choose life.” 

Shabbat shalom,

Rabbi Misha